Author Comment: Another short, fun piece. If I have included any inaccuracies in this story, please pardon them. Please excuse the spelling, punctuation, and grammar mistakes. I don’t claim any literary knowledge. I hope you enjoy this story. If you have any comments please let me know. I would love the feedback. By the way, I want to thank all of the wonderful people who took the time to comment on my previous stories. SPECIAL THANKS to Mady, Darla and Debbie. Your time, feedback, corrections and support have helped me to improve my writing.

"What's wrong, Ezra?" Vin Tanner demanded, pulling his horse in closer to his well-dressed companion.

"I beg your pardon?"

"What's wrong?" the tracker repeated.

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean." The gambler's voice was colored with enough pronounced innocence to cause Vin's frown to deepen.

The pair were on their way to the Thompson place, a good half a day's ride from Four Corners. Recently, there had been trouble between the Thompsons and their neighbors over boundary stakes and as Ezra and Grandfather Thompson were on good terms - both being of Southern heritage, the gambler's presence had been 'requested' by the Seven's leader. Yes, requested.

"I would like you to go with Vin."

"'Would like'. So, I take it that means that I have a choice?" Ezra asked his emotionless leader calmly.

"No."

"Mr. Larabee. I have decided that a ride out to the Thompson place with Mr. Tanner, while obviously ..." Chris Larabee rose to his feet. "... sounds absolutely delightful."

Vin snorted and headed for the door. He too had been 'volunteered'. The tracker, not because he was on especially friendly terms with either family, but because his firm, but easy going manner had proved successful in appeasing the two clans in the past.

Vin watched Ezra move restlessly again. "You've been wriggling in yer saddle for the last hour. What's wrong?"

"Nothing whatsoever. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the company is ..." Ezra paused. The look on Vin's face was far from patient. "Yes, well,...I'm just a little...'uncomfortable' at the moment. But there is nothing for you to be concerned about, I assure you."

"I want to know what's ailing you, Ezra. We've got a long ride ahead and we don't know exactly what sort of reception we're gonna get once we arrive."

"Yes, well... You see... I... um..."

"Come on, Ezra." Vin's voice was soft, but firm and determined.

"Earlier, when we stopped briefly to water the horses, I discovered the most enchanting bramble bush and I inexplicably acquired a thorn."

"And it's still worrying ya? Yeah, guess they do burn for a while after... you did get it out didn't you?"

Ezra's face flashed with amusement. "Yes, well, that has been something of a challenge."

"Huh?"

"It's current location, not to put to finer point on it, is one that would cause even the most immodest man to blush."

Even before Ezra finished his monologue, Vin had reined his horse to a stop and dismounted. "Get down."

The gambler's face flashed with concerned consideration. "I beg your pardon?"

"Get down," Vin repeated, stoically.

"Why?" Ezra's dulcet tones had been replaced by a pitch most tenors would be proud of.

"It's got to come out, Ezra. You can't ride all that way with a thorn in your ass. Besides, by the time we get back, it could get infected. Get down."

"Mr. Tanner, I assure you that I am more than willing - no, more than happy to endure the minor discomfort for the remainder of our trip."

"Get down."

"Really, Vin. I am certain..." Before Ezra knew what was happening, the slight tracker had reached up and dragged him out of the saddle.

Instinctively, Ezra grabbed for his throbbing left buttock. "Mr. Tanner, please. This really is unnecessary."

Vin ignored his complaining partner and moved around behind him, or at least, he attempted to. However, Ezra had other ideas and countered the move, the two ending up circling each other.

"Damn it, Ezra," Vin snapped, grabbing the gambler impatiently and spinning him around. "Stand still."

Ezra continued to dance uncomfortably. "No, really, Mr. Tanner. I truly appreciate your concern, but..." Vin slipped his hand into the band of Ezra's sixty dollar trousers. The gambler yelped, jumped two feet into the air and sprang away from his companion. "What the hell do you think you are doing?!"

"Pull your trousers down, Ezra. We've got to get it out."

Ezra's face, that was normally the most perfect of poker faces, flushed scarlet with embarrassment. "No, I've decided that the thorn is just fine where it is. I thank you for..."

Vin grunted, stepped forward and spun his flustered friend around again so that Ezra ended up with his back to the tracker. "Either you undo'em and pull'em down, or I'll use my knife and cut the damn things off you."

"You'll do no such thing!" Ezra cried indignantly. "I'll have you know that these trousers come all the way from..."

"Couldn't give a rat's ass where they're from. We're wasting time. Pull'em down or lose them." Ezra evaluated Vin Tanner's serious voice and identified no room for negotiation.

"Mr. Tanner, you have no appreciation for the finer things of life." Resigned to the fact that Vin was not about to back down on the issue, Ezra began to unbuckle his belt. "I just want you know that..." Ezra paused briefly and then lowered his trousers no more than a quarter of an inch. "There. Satisfied?"

"You wear silk underwear?" Vin muttered. "Thought only ladies did."

"No, Mr. Tanner. The kings of Europe wear undergarments of silk."

"Takes all sorts, I suppose. Pull'em down."

"My underwear?!" Ezra shrieked, spinning around.

"Ezra, I don't know what the hell your problem is. You've got a thorn in your ass. I can't pull it out unless I can see it. Hell, there ain't no one around but me."

"Exactly, and that is one person too many to start with."

The two men stared at each other, each prepared to stand his ground.

"Ezra," Vin growled.

"Mr. Tanner I..." The gambler studied his quietly spoken friend’s annoyed face, sighed and with resignation he turned and slowly lowered his underpants to reveal the offending thorn.

From behind him, there was a quick gasp.

"What?!" Ezra shrieked, snapping his head around to study his companion's perplexed and perturbed face.

"Aww, hell."

"What?!" The gambler tried to swivel around, but Vin reached up and pinned him in place by the shoulder.

"Jeez, Ezra."

"WHAT?!"

"We've got a problem."

"Oh, God," Ezra cried, his minding filling with a hundred ghastly things that could possibly be wrong. Straining his neck around and down, the anxious gambler tried to see what had caused the serious tracker's face to cloud so darkly with concern.

"Hmm."

"Vin, what is it? Tell me the worst." Ezra steeled himself. There was little that ever riled Vin Tanner. Whatever was wrong, had to be serious.

"Don't know how to tell ya," Vin whispered, earnestly.

"Oh, God. Just tell me."

"Well, it's yer ass, pard. It's got a hole in it. Reckon yer gonna have to get yerself a new one."

"What?" For three full seconds Ezra stood there before his usually lightning fast mind caught up. "YOU!..."

Vin had never heard Ezra swear before. Curse yes, but not down right cuss his head off. With little more than an amused grin, Vin reached out, grasped the offending thorn and wrenched it out.

"Sonofabitch... owwwwwwwwwwww!!" Ezra grasped his pants with his manicured fists and yanked them up. By the time he turned, his less than sympathetic companion was already mounting his horse.

"Mr. Tanner, before we move on, I think that it is essential that we deliberate on the delicacy of my recent plight. This unfortunate incident is one that I would prefer to reserve only for those of us fortuitous enough to have been in attendance during the actual mishap. I'm sure you will agree that a man's derriere is a very private thing and that events that involve such modest parts of a gentleman's anatomy should not end up as topics of conversation in houses of public drinking."

"Ezra what the hell are you talkin' about?"

Ezra’s mouth was moving at a million miles an hour. "Mr. Tanner, I feel that the advertisement of the episode that has just concluded would make my good self the object of ridicule. In other words, the slightest utterance in this direction would force a most unsavory reaction from men of ill manners."

"Huh?"

"All I am saying is that there are those who, unlike your good self, may find this entire unfortunate experience amusing."

"Gettin' a thorn in your ass? Why would anyone find something painful like that... Oh, I see what you mean."

"You do?"

"Yeah, relax, Ez. Your secret's safe with me."

Ezra sighed deeply. He had honestly believed that he would have to resort to bribes or blackmail. "You are a true gentleman, my friend."

Vin adjusted his hat, his eyes suddenly flashing with mischief. "Hell, if I had a hole in my ass, I wouldn't want anyone to know either," the tracker chuckled softly.

Ezra's face darkened. "I suppose that that appeals to your witless sense of humor. Well, just let me remind you that..."

Vin shook his head with amusement and urged Peso off.

"Mr. Tanner," Ezra called, racing to his own horse. Gingerly he mounted and lowered his tender rump into the saddle. "Mr. Tanner, this topic is yet to be discussed to my satisfaction." Once the tracker saw that his companion was on his horse, if not some what awkwardly balanced in the saddle, he urged his mount to pick up the pace. "Mr. Tanner! This conversation is far from over," Ezra cried, trying to catch up. "Mr. Tanner, a man's derriere is a very private thing and I believe that... MR. TANNER!!!!

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© August 2000 Aussie Lass. : This relates only to the creative property in this story. The distinctive way the story unfolds, the specific dialogue and unique situations are mine. I acknowledge that some of the characters and settings belong to MGM and Trilogy Entertainment and thank them sincerely for turning a blind eye so I can borrow them. (g) No infrigement of copyright was intended and no profit has been made from this story... so, please don't sue me. It wouldn't be worth your while.